Archive for November, 2014

For Pa Pa

Posted in Reflections on 11/09/2014 by Jess

This is a poem I wrote years ago (1998 or 1999) in memory of my grandfather. For Christmas in 2006, I printed the poem and gave it to my little sister, my cousins and my grandmother as gifts. I didn’t mean to make everyone cry that year, but I did. They were tears of remembrance and of kindredness. He loved all of us and we loved him. We still do.

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I loved his smile,
with or without his teeth,
And how he would chase us
from room to room
With them sparkling in his palm.
Each room
We filled with laughter;
His toothless grin
making us laugh harder.

I loved how he made the day
Last forever
And how he was willing to crawlpapasmile
on his hands and knees for hours
While we rode on his back
And fed him
Just “A Few” Invisible Oats.
Or how he healed us
with magical bacon bits
and a cardboard hospital bed
when we suffered from an
imaginary illness.
And tickle our feet with
His bristly salt and pepper hair.

I Loved Him.


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Ruins

Posted in Uncategorized on 11/02/2014 by Jess

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I wanted to look at you today
But I was too afraid.
Afraid that you would
See through me.
Afraid that you would see
How my heart swells at the sight of you
And every cell of me hums with hope.
And longing.
Scared I would meet your eyes
And that you would see the need in mine
But that I would find nothing stirred in yours.

I try to convince myself that I shouldn’t feel anything.
It’s too risky.
I’ve been here before
Time and again.
My heart still has the scars to show
And it trembles now with vulnerability.

But still a dauntless hope whispers:
Perhaps, you’re different
Perhaps you won’t mind that I’m not beautiful
And maybe, if I love you hard enough
You’d be able to forgive my face
for the sake of my heart.

I’d made peace with my solitude.
Mostly.
But, somehow
The light of you has found a crack in the foundation
And the wall has begun to fracture.
Perhaps it was in that moment
When I could see your reflection in the glass
You
Standing just behind me
Smiling
Your eyes alight.
The picture now a memory tucked away in my heart.

I know now that there is nothing I can do
But stand and watch the wall crumble.
I’ve rebuilt it before
Stone after stone.
I want so much to watch it fall
And never have to rebuild it again
I would rejoice in its ruins.